Is it better to speak or to die? Let's discuss

The painting "Ophelia" by John Everett Millais depicts innocent death and overwhelming melancholia. (Credit: Pinterest)

“Is it better to speak or to die?”  

I first heard this question when reading the tragedy, Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman. A novel that plays with the power of love, through the eyes of time, memory and reality.  

Whether you know the question or not, everyone has unknowingly asked and answered the question at different stages of their lives.  

As young adults, who are experiencing a new kind of freedom, we created a version of ourselves to present to the world in hopes we might be seen, loved and heard.  

In the throes of growing up, we are demanding ourselves to answer the simple question: is it better to speak or to die?  

In the simplest form of dissecting the question, we can say “neither.”

Both options are too black and white. Too concrete on either side. There are glimpses in time that don't require speaking or dying. 

A third element: actions. The action of opening a door for another, buying flowers and secretly putting them in your loved one’s room without them knowing. 

Actions that go beyond the simple way of forming words or even falling into the deaths grips.  

I couldn't help but wonder, why do we need to be so cut and dry? 

Can’t we trust and forgive ourselves in moments where we may speak when not warranted or die when we want to crawl inside ourselves?  

In friendships 

Friendships come and go. We think we have the idea that as we age, we lose the ability to form meaningful friendships. We speak so much when we’re young and simply die when we get old.  

We don’t know it yet, but there really isn’t anything to say. 

We are constantly limiting ourselves in what we can accomplish.

Speak to your friends. Speak it out loud, whatever it may be. Friendships hold onto us in very dark times, but the grasp can only be so strong with what you put into it.  

Friendships are the key relationships that require speaking without the doubt of someone leaving. If they do, you didn’t talk enough, or perhaps it was a friendship that must “come and go.” 

In relationships (dating) 

Dating is hard.  

Dating is like being in the same pair of pants, but each is in one leg and the goal is to find a way to walk together, find the right rhythm to minimize the stumbling and tottering.  

But by putting one foot in front of the other, communication is one of those key factors everyone says you need.  

Is it true that we can never say the wrong thing to the right person? 

For example, does your boyfriend shove popcorn down his throat as if the $4 microwaveable popcorn is God’s gift to earth?  

If so, you have two options. One, kindly look into his eyes, as popcorn is currently falling out of his mouth and show him how it’s done:  taking a singular popcorn and chewing one at a time, mouth closed.  

Or second, you can endure the hard crunch and saliva swishing around for the remainder of the popcorn bag and jokingly bring it up a few days later in a laughing fit.  

Speaking or dying depends on the context. One cannot live without the other.  

“Speak before it’s too late! Be like Elio. Feel joy, even if it brings pain later,” read a comment I found on a Reddit post.  

In the most awful of ends, speak, speak and speak.  

There is no point in dying while still alive.  

Speak on absolutely anything, because somewhere in the world, someone is standing with you. Whether you know it or not.